Teaching Kids About Emotions: Feelings Wheel + 4 Steps

If you are looking into teaching kids about emotions, the short version is this: children learn feelings the way they learn words. They need an adult who names what they feel, a few clear words to choose from, and a calm moment to practice. A simple feelings wheel, a few body clues and one calming tool for each feeling are enough to start. You do not need a program, and you cannot get it wrong for long: if you guess a feeling incorrectly, your child will often correct you, and that is already a conversation.

In brief:

• Name the feeling first, solve the problem second.
• A feelings wheel gives children more words than "good" and "bad".
• Link each feeling to body clues and one calming tool.
• Practice when everyone is calm, not in the middle of a meltdown.
• Talk to a doctor if big feelings keep disrupting daily life.

In this article · 10 min read

1. Teaching kids about emotions in four steps
2. A simple feelings wheel you can make in 10 minutes
3. How to use the wheel every day
4. What to expect at different ages
5. Five-minute activities that build the vocabulary
6. What to say, and what to skip
7. Where the book fits
8. When to talk to a professional
9. Frequently asked questions
10. Sources

Emotional learning has three parts: noticing a feeling, finding a word for it, and choosing what to do with it. The CDC calls its method emotion coaching and describes five steps: notice, connect, listen, name, and find good solutions (CDC). The Child Mind Institute adds that naming a feeling can reduce its intensity, especially a strong negative one, and that children go through dozens of emotions every day, so a bigger vocabulary really helps (Child Mind Institute).

Teaching kids about emotions in four steps

You can fit all four steps into one minute. The order matters more than the exact words.

1. Notice. Watch for feelings during the day, ideally while they are still small. The CDC suggests learning your child's facial expressions and body language for different emotions, because small signals are easier to work with than a big explosion.
2. Name. Say the feeling out loud in simple words: "You look disappointed." Take a guess even if you are not sure. If your child corrects you, try again; the CDC says not to worry about getting it wrong. If there is more than one feeling, name more than one ("a bit angry and a bit sad").
3. Accept. The feeling is allowed, even when the behavior is not. The CDC puts it this way: all emotions are acceptable, not all behaviors are. You do not have to agree with the feeling to accept it, and telling a child to stop feeling something does not show you understand.
4. Choose a tool. Only now do you move to what to do: a breath, a hug, a drawing, a walk. Jumping to solutions too early can dismiss the feeling and make things worse, according to the same page.

A word on timing. Both the CDC and the parenting site Naître et grandir say the same thing: during a big meltdown, make sure everyone is safe, stay close and wait. Reasoning and explaining come afterwards, when you and your child are both calm (Naître et grandir, in French). If you need a pause yourself, the CDC says it can be as short as three deep breaths.

A simple feelings wheel you can make in 10 minutes

Many websites sell or print a feelings wheel, but you can make a better one at home because your child helps build it. Harvard's Making Caring Common explains that a feelings wheel adds words for basic and more complex feelings and helps children tell similar ones apart, such as sad and disappointed, or frustrated and angry (Making Caring Common, Harvard Graduate School of Education). The page suggests using it for children from kindergarten up to high school, so it can grow with your child.

How to make it:

1. Draw a big circle on paper or a paper plate and divide it into six slices.
2. Write one core feeling in each slice and let your child draw a face and choose a color.
3. Add two or three finer words around the edge of each slice.
4. Hang it at your child's eye level, in the kitchen or the bedroom.

Here is a starting version. Change it to match your child, and treat the body clues as common signs, not rules:

Naître et grandir lists the same kind of clues for young children: frowning and clenched fists with anger, trembling and clinging with fear, tears with sadness, and a smile with joy. It also suggests helping the child describe what is going on in the body, for example in the heart or the tummy. The Child Mind Institute likewise says that noticing physical sensations helps children work out what they feel.

How to use the wheel every day

A wheel on the wall does nothing by itself. These habits make it work:

1. Check in at one fixed moment. Breakfast or bedtime works well. Ask, "What is your feelings weather today?" Let your child point first; words can come later.
2. Guess with them, not for them. "Is it more worried or more excited?" Offering two or three options is easier than an open question like "How do you feel?"
3. Add a number. The Child Mind Institute suggests asking children to rate a feeling from 1 to 10, and giving an example yourself: "I feel a bit anxious, maybe a 6."
4. Model your own feelings. Say what you feel and what you do about it: "I'm frustrated, so I'm going to take three deep breaths." Both the CDC and Naître et grandir say that children learn from watching you.
5. Choose the tools while everyone is calm. Naître et grandir recommends suggesting strategies you picked together beforehand, such as drawing, squeezing a soft toy, running or blowing out slowly like blowing out a candle.
6. Keep it short and regular. Two minutes a day beats a long talk once a month. HealthyChildren.org also suggests 10 to 15 minutes of undivided play, two or three times a week, with the child choosing the activity and phones put away, as one way to help children feel seen and valued (HealthyChildren.org, American Academy of Pediatrics).

What to expect at different ages

Every child is different, so use this as a rough guide, not a checklist. Naître et grandir notes that before age 5 a child cannot manage emotions alone and needs an adult to help. A German parenting handbook describes children between 3 and 6 as talking more about feelings and calming down more by themselves, while impulses stay strong, and children between 6 and 10 as describing feelings with more nuance while still needing company (Familienhandbuch, in German).

Five-minute activities that build the vocabulary

• Mirror faces. Make a face in front of a mirror and name it together. Take turns.
• Feelings charades. One person acts out a feeling from the wheel without words, the other guesses.
• Story pause. While reading a book or watching a show, stop and ask: "How does this character feel? What could help?" The Child Mind Institute suggests using books, TV shows and characters to practice.
• Feelings weather. The daily check-in from above, with a clothespin or magnet on the wheel.
• Draw it. Ask your child to draw what anger or worry looks like. Drawing gives feelings a shape that is easier to talk about.

What to say, and what to skip

Words matter, but not perfect ones. Naître et grandir encourages children to use "I" to name a feeling ("I'm scared of the big dog"), and a German parenting handbook recommends naming feelings instead of judging them. It also warns against consoling with distraction. Here are some swaps:

Where the book fits

100 Ways to Support Kids with ADHD and ADD by Magda Pabst is a practical workbook with 100 games, exercises and strategies for parents and teachers of children aged about 3 to 12. Its chapter on emotional support covers ideas that fit this article: active listening with open questions, validating feelings while separating them from behavior, a private feelings journal, and art and music as ways to express emotions. Other chapters add a breathing exercise with balloon imagery (breathing in for 4 and out for 6), a calm-down quiet zone with clear rules and a short talk afterwards, and a "traffic light" technique for stopping and thinking.

The book is written for children with ADHD or ADD, but you do not need a diagnosis to use ideas like these, and every child is different, so you can pick what suits yours. It is not a medical book, it does not diagnose, and it does not replace a professional.

When to talk to a professional

Struggling with big feelings is a normal part of growing up. Naître et grandir suggests talking to a doctor when trouble managing emotions or impulsivity gets in the way of life at home, nursery or school, causes frequent conflicts or leads to real distress. Also speak to your pediatrician if:

• the big feelings are very intense, very frequent or last a long time;
• your child complains of tummy aches, has trouble sleeping or avoids school again and again when upset;
• your child has stopped enjoying things they used to like;
• you are worried about your child, or about how you are coping.

If your child ever talks about hurting themselves, get help right away. The international directory findahelpline.com lists support lines in many countries.

For more ideas, see our guides to a calm down corner at home, what to do about tantrums in 5 year olds and how to use a reward chart for kids. More guides are on the Books Go blog, and more books on the Books Go Publications home page.

Frequently asked questions

At what age can I start teaching kids about emotions?

From the very beginning. Naître et grandir advises naming joy, sadness, anger and fear from babyhood and moving on to more complex feelings, like disappointment or jealousy, around age 2 or 3. At every age, your tone and your own example count as much as your words.

Does a feelings wheel work for young children?

Yes, if you keep it simple. Harvard's Making Caring Common recommends the wheel for children from kindergarten up, so for the youngest children use pictures and faces instead of long lists of words, and stay beside them while they point.

What if my child says "I don't know" when I ask how they feel?

That is a normal answer. Offer two or three guesses, point to a body clue ("your fists look tight") or let them point to the wheel. The CDC says words are not always needed: sitting beside your child also shows you understand.

Should I let my child be angry?

Let them feel angry, and set limits on what they do with it. "You can be angry, but you can't hit" gives your child permission to feel and a clear rule about behavior, which is the same distinction the CDC describes.

How long does it take to see a difference?

There is no fixed timeline, and no method works the same way for every child. Small, regular practice over weeks and months is more realistic than a quick change, and bad days will still happen.

Can this help a child with ADHD?

It can be one part of the support, along with routines, sleep, movement and your child's doctor. Children with ADHD often have intense feelings, and naming them and agreeing on calming tools in advance can be useful. It does not replace professional advice.

Sources

• Tips for Noticing and Naming Emotions, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
• Understanding Feelings and Emotions for Kids, Child Mind Institute
• Feelings Wheel, Making Caring Common, Harvard Graduate School of Education
• Helping Little People Manage Big Feelings, HealthyChildren.org, American Academy of Pediatrics
• Apprendre à l'enfant à gérer ses émotions, Naître et grandir (in French)
• Emotionsregulation bei Kindern, Familienhandbuch (in German)