For tantrums in 5 year olds, the most useful plan has three parts: prevent what you can before the storm, stay calm and keep everyone safe during it, and reconnect once it has passed. Tantrums are less common at this age than in toddlers, but they are still a normal sign that big feelings have outrun a young child's skills. This guide gives you the steps, the exact words to use and the signs that mean it is time to talk to a professional.
In brief:
- Before: keep sleep, food and warnings in place.
- During: stay calm, keep your child safe, say little, don’t give in.
- After: a hug and a name for the feeling.
- Practise a better way for next time.
- Frequent, violent or very long tantrums: talk to your child’s doctor.
In this article · 9 min read
Medical sources agree that tantrums fade with age. The MedlinePlus encyclopedia explains that children aged 3 to 5 keep having tantrums, though less often, and that after age 5 they rarely occur (MedlinePlus, reviewed 2025). The NHS adds that tantrums are far less common by age 4 because children can talk more (NHS, 2022). So if your five-year-old still has them, you are not alone, and it does not mean you have done something wrong.
Why tantrums in 5 year olds still happen
A tantrum is not manipulation or bad character. Nemours KidsHealth describes tantrums as a normal part of development and a way for children to show they are upset or frustrated, and says that learning to deal with frustration is a skill that grows over time (KidsHealth, 2022).
At five, the usual triggers are:
- Tired, hungry or overstimulated. MedlinePlus notes that being tired, hungry or sick can make tantrums worse or more frequent.
- Transitions. Leaving a game, turning off a screen, going to school or bed.
- Disappointment. Losing a game, hearing "no", or a plan that changes.
- Feelings without words. Five-year-olds know many words, but frustration can still come out faster than a sentence.
- Stress. A change of routine, a new sibling or a problem at school can all show up as outbursts at home.
Seeing the trigger matters, because it tells you whether your child needs a snack, a nap, a warning or help with a feeling.
Before the tantrum: how to make it less likely
You cannot prevent every tantrum, but a few habits reduce them:
- Protect sleep and meals. KidsHealth says getting enough sleep can greatly reduce tantrums, and that you should avoid errands when your child is tired or hungry.
- Give a warning. "Five more minutes, then we turn off the tablet." Pair it with a timer your child can see.
- Offer small choices. "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after your bath?" Choices give a sense of control without changing the rule. Offer one only when a real choice exists.
- Choose your battles. Safety rules are fixed. The color of the socks is not.
- Notice the good moments. Say exactly what went well: "You waited for your turn." Specific praise is more useful than a general "good job".
- Teach a calming tool when everything is quiet. A three-color signal works well: red means stop and breathe, yellow means think, green means choose and go. Practice it with a game on a calm afternoon, so the words are familiar when emotions rise.
During the tantrum: what to do, step by step
When it starts, the goal is not to win or to teach a lesson. It is to keep everyone safe and help your child come back down. KidsHealth puts it simply: your job is to help your child learn to calm down, so you need to be calm too.
- Check safety first. Move objects out of the way. If your child could hurt themselves or someone else, move them to a quiet, safe place.
- Breathe and lower your voice. A slow breath for you, a quiet voice for them. The NHS notes that losing your temper or shouting back will not end a tantrum.
- Say very little. In the middle of a storm, long explanations do not land. Try one short sentence: "I can see you're very angry. I'm here."
- Offer a calm space. Invite your child to a quiet spot, and offer to stay close. It is a place to calm down, never a punishment.
- Hold the line, kindly. If the answer was no, keep it. The NHS warns that giving in teaches a child that tantrums get results, and that bribing with treats has the same effect.
- Wait it out. Stay nearby and keep your attention on staying steady. You can ignore the behavior without ignoring your child.
- Don't hit, shame or threaten. MedlinePlus is clear that shouting at or hitting a child will only make things worse.
What to say and what to skip
| Instead of | Try |
|---|---|
| "Stop crying right now!" | "I can see this is really hard. I'm right here." |
| "You're being a baby." | "You're having a big feeling. Let's breathe together." |
| "If you don't stop, no dessert for a week." | "When you're calm, we can talk about it." |
| Long explanations mid-tantrum | One short sentence, then wait |
| Giving in to end the noise | "The answer is still no. I'll stay with you." |
If the tantrum happens in public, you can calmly lead your child to a quiet place such as the car or a restroom, as MedlinePlus suggests, and keep them safe until it passes. Ignore the looks from other people. Most of them have been there.
After the tantrum: repair and teach
Once your child is calm, the second half of the work begins. The family health guide Naître et grandir recommends staying calm, giving your child time to settle, telling them you love them even after a crisis, and talking about what happened only when they are ready (Naître et grandir).
A short routine for the next few minutes:
- Connect. A hug, a drink of water, a quiet moment. Kids are often embarrassed after a tantrum and need to hear that they are loved no matter what.
- Name the feeling. "You were angry because we had to leave the park."
- Ask, don't lecture. "What could help next time?" Five-year-olds can suggest surprisingly good ideas.
- Repair if needed. If something was broken or someone was hurt, a small act of repair works better than a punishment, such as drawing a new picture or tidying up together.
- Practice the tool. A breath, the color signal, a visit to the calm spot.
Praise the recovery too: "I noticed how you calmed yourself down. That was hard work."
A one-page family plan
Write this down with your child on a quiet day and stick it on the fridge:
- What are the three early signs that I'm getting upset? (tight fists, loud voice, stomping)
- What can I do when I notice them? (take three belly breaths, ask for a hug, go to the calm spot)
- What will the adults do? (stay calm, speak softly, keep us safe)
- What happens afterwards? (we talk, we fix what's broken, we go on)
Where a book can help
If you would like a bigger collection of ready-made activities for tantrums in 5 year olds and other big feelings, 100 Ways to Support Kids with ADHD and ADD by Magda Pabst is a workbook for parents and teachers of children aged about 3 to 12. It was written with ADHD in mind, but several of its techniques suit any child who struggles with big feelings: the traffic light (stop, think, act), emotional validation that accepts the feeling while separating it from the behavior, breathing exercises and a calm-down corner with clear rules. Each of the 100 ideas comes with a short description and practical tips.
It is a practical companion, not a medical tool, and it does not replace advice from a professional. The boxes on this page show the Books Go titles available for children.
Making the plan stick
- Be consistent. Rules that are the same every day help children feel safe, even when they protest.
- Expect repetition. Habits grow slowly. A single tantrum handled well will not end them, but a pattern handled well gradually changes things.
- Look after yourself. If you feel yourself losing control, it is fine to say, "I need a minute to calm down too," and take a few breaths.
- Share the plan. Teachers, grandparents and babysitters can use the same words and the same calm space.
For more ideas, see our articles on ADHD activities for kids and on setting up a calm down corner at home. You'll find more guides for parents on the Books Go blog and on the Books Go Publications home page.
When to talk to a doctor
Most tantrums in 5 year olds are not a cause for concern and generally stop on their own as children gain self-control. But talk to your child's doctor if:
- tantrums get worse or happen often after age 5;
- your child injures themselves or others, or destroys things during tantrums;
- your child holds their breath, especially if they faint;
- tantrums last longer than about 15 minutes or happen several times a day (MSD Manual, 2025);
- your child also has nightmares, stomach aches or headaches, anxiety, trouble eating or sleeping, or clings to you much more than before;
- you often feel angry or out of control, or you keep giving in to avoid outbursts.
KidsHealth adds that a doctor can also check for problems that may add to tantrums, such as hearing or vision difficulties, language delays or a learning disability. If you notice that attention, restlessness or impulsive behavior are a problem at home and at school over months, raise it with the doctor as well. And if you worry that you might react with physical punishment, ask for help. That is a sign of care, not weakness.
Frequently asked questions
Are tantrums normal in 5 year olds?
Yes, they can be. Medical sources describe tantrums as most common in toddlers and preschoolers, getting less frequent from age 3 to 5 and rarely occurring after that. A five-year-old who still has some is within the range of normal, especially when tired, hungry or stressed.
What should I do during a tantrum?
Stay calm, keep your child safe, use few words and don't give in to the demand. Offer a quiet place and stay close. Talk about what happened only after your child has calmed down.
Should I ignore a tantrum?
It depends on why it is happening. If your child is tired or hungry, they need rest or food. If it is a bid for attention and they are safe, staying calm and not reacting to the outburst can help. Ignore the behavior, never the child, and always reconnect afterwards.
Is a time-out a good idea?
A calm space your child can choose is more helpful than a punishment. Used as a place to settle and not as a threat, it teaches a skill. If you use a short break for safety, stay nearby and keep it brief.
How long does a tantrum last?
Most pass within a few minutes. A tantrum that regularly lasts longer than about 15 minutes, or that happens several times a day, is worth discussing with a doctor.
Can tantrums mean something is wrong?
Usually not. Occasionally, frequent or intense tantrums are linked to health, language, attention or emotional difficulties. A doctor or child psychologist can check and suggest support.
Sources
This article is for general information only and does not replace advice from a doctor, dietitian or other qualified professional.
